I can honestly say the last 4 years of my Life has been no fun at at all. Upsets, disappointments, unmet goals, depression, anger you name it, its all been the summary for my last four years. People say ”count your blessings” and “it could always be worst” but in reality you don’t want to hear that. (But it is true count every single blessing because it really COULD be worse).
I’m a 15 year active duty vet with 2 year reserves experience. I’ve been around the world more times than I can count. I’ve live in Guam, England, Kuwait. I’ve been to Russia , Africa, Hawaii, Spain, Germany etc. and when it’s all said and done I still feel like I have not accomplished anything. I’ve brainstormed for along time on what makes me feel like this. Is it the entertainment world wishing I was them or could it be social media looking at people lie about how good there life is. Btw half of the dudes on social media are lying and half the chicks are homeless, just throwing that out there.Or maybe Low self-esteem or maybe a lack of identity due to no male role model in my life. Ima keep it 100% the women in my family has done an amazing job raising me!!!! From north Philadelphia all the way to cheltenham. They have been in my corner time and time again whether right, wrong or indifferent. But I must admit that lack of a male role model though......
Most people that know me knows for the most part I’m a very cool down to earth guy that cracks jokes and can lead deep conversations if needed. An for the most part I get along with everyone ( for the most part ). Though there are times where I question what is it that others see in me? Why do people put up with me? What do they see in me that I don’t see in myself?? See in the spirit of transparency here’s a little about me. I have a temper at times, can’t hold a relationship for long periods, I can write people off in seconds, I see in black and white meaning at times there’s no grey area with me and I’m a neat freak who tends to think they’re right a lot, just saying. WHO HAS TIME FOR A PERSON LIKE THAT???? Beats me, but yet people still hang around, I appreciate that... I really do.
So ya’ll are probably like ooookkkkkk so what about your intro and the last few years??? I got you, sorry for rambling. My military career was killed one day by a very bad decision from a very incompetent man with no concept of reality ( not my words but I agree 10000% ). And because of this man my fate was sealed. A very important person in my life said “just because your in a leadership position, does not mean your a leader”. That begun the desent into depression. Can you imagine every time you did something you was always wrong? The more I tried to fix it the more I sanked deeper. Theres a radio guy by the name of Charlemagne the God that aways state sometimes your life just has to experience divine intervention. Divine intervention meaning if you don’t know when to walk away life will make the decision for you. And for a while it seemed like that. For my military people out there, NCO of the month, NCO of the quarter and nominated for NCO of the year, how in the hell my EPR was a 3???? Divine freaking intervention smh. That 3 ended my 15 year career. Then You hear everyone say “thank you for your service” and “we support our troops” but what they don’t tell you is when it’s time to get a job that shit go’s out the window. Now don’t get it confused I received many job offers but that dollar sign was low, I even have people tell me if I hire you your salary would be more than I’m willing to pay. I can respect that because it was better than the sorry your over qualified for this position aka we don’t want to pay you what your worth.
I’ve tried diffent avenues like selling health products and t-shirts etc. and I’ve come to realize one thing. I couldn’t sell ice water to people in hell. I sucked!!!! Im not an entrepreneur at all sssooooo a 9-5 it is for me. I’m currently chasing my dream in law enforcement even though my job selections keep putting me in logistics. But I’m grateful for the job I have. I make good money and have good benefits an with all that, that grey cloud still loom overhead. 37 unmarried and no kids coming home to an loft with no one in it doesn’t help either.
Even though the past years and the current present sucks. I still have to press on. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself is not going to make the situation better. Find the silverlining and keep pushing. It funny how I still haven’t found my silverlining but ima keep pushing though. I just believe there’s something out there for me and I just have to find it. Where to look or start nnnoooooo clue but I’m still searching. At times I’m very emotionless to things and distance, not sure if it shows but I know when I am. An that many be just the thing stopping me we shall see.
I pray everyday that my mind set will correct itself and I get my fresh wind and do something amazing. But till then I’ll keep pushing. Thanks for your time, these are just my thoughts.